My Story with Drug Addiction
Its and interesting thing to experience when you have lived through so many years of hiding behind some illicit drug or alcohol. I can recall some particular times when no one in my family wanted to talk to me, probably because I couldn’t keep up any length of decent conversation. Or times when I broke my promise to the true love of my life that I would not use heroin again only to have her find another eight ball in my jeans. So much hurt, so many betrayals.
My drug addiction was one of multiple uses. It began with marijuana and then hashish. But then I was introduced to a chemical powder known as Peyote or commonly known as mescaline. This was followed by acid, magic mushrooms and heroine, speed and then anything I could get my hands on. All during this time friends would tell me to slow down, stop the chemicals and when I did not listen they walked away. Family could not understand the personality change in my behavior and mannerisms. I was getting lost in the world of addiction.
I tried to stop a many times but the pain of this was unbearable, my mood swings were dangerous to myself and those around me. The worst part was not so much the physical pain but the emotional realization of all the hurt I have cause over the years. And even more painful was observing the loss of my wife and daughter. This was just too much and I found a way to just get the edge off and would sneak in a joint of pot to ease the emotional roller coaster which quickly turned in to more drug use. Again these were always done on my own, never with anyone who really understood addiction and how this really turns on the emotions.
Then one day after hearing of the overdose of a very close friend, a drug buddy, followed shortly after hearing of another personal close friend being arrested for trafficking and sentenced to eight years behind bars that my life was shook to its very core. I had to do something and do it fast or my number would be next. I was scared, nervous, excited and anxious all at the same time. I called my brother, I told him that I am tired and can’t do this anymore, just as I had stated so many times before and was waiting for him to come back with “Ya, heard it before what’s different this time”. To my surprise he said, “Okay let’s get you to rehab today”.
I was shocked, he made a few phone calls, got in touch with a counselor at a private drug rehab treatment program and schedules intake that day. I was in such shock I just followed through with the motions. After the first week I began to regain some clarity of thought and acceptance of where I was. I guess having people who understand you and care about your well-being and progress helps to stay calm and hopeful. I kept questioning myself “how come my brother helped me after so many betrayals”, it was a complete mystery to me. Time went on and I completed the drug rehab program, dealt with so many personal and emotional pains but am now drug free and know I will stay this way.
Two days after my completion I was having a real lunch with my brother, I asked him “Jack why did you just say okay let’s get you help now after so many betrayals”. He looked at me, I was expecting him to say I love you bro, but no; he said “I knew by your voice that you had made the decision, that you truly did want help, this is why I did not question your request and simply acted on it, and glad I did, I have my true big brother back and alive”