Life With or Without Drugs
Life is an interesting thing to experience when you have lived through so many years of hiding behind some illicit drug or alcohol. I can recall certain times when no one in my family wanted to talk to me, probably because I couldn’t keep up any length of a decent conversation. Or times when I broke my promise to the true love of my life that I would not use heroin again only to have her find another eight ball in my jeans. So much hurt, so many betrayals with drug addiction.
The beginning of Drug Addiction
My drug addiction was one of multiple-use. It began with marijuana and then hashish. But then I was introduced to a chemical powder known as Peyote or commonly known as mescaline. It was followed by acid, magic mushrooms and heroine, speed and then anything I could get my hands on. During this time, friends would tell me to slow down and stop the chemicals, and when I did not listen, they walked away. My family could not understand the personality change in my behaviour and mannerisms. I was getting lost in the world of addiction.
Life without Drugs and Roller Coastering
I tried to stop many times, but the pain of this was unbearable. My mood swings were dangerous to myself and those around me. The worst part was not so much the physical pain but the emotional realization of all the hurt I caused over the years. And even more painful was observing the loss of my wife and daughter. It was just too much, and I found a way to get the edge off and would sneak in a joint of pot to ease the emotional roller coaster, which quickly turned into more drug use. I always did drugs on my own and sometimes with friends. Nobody I knew really understood addiction and how it turns on emotions.
Bad News, Good News in a Way
I found out that a friend of mine, a drug buddy, died of an overdose one day. A few days later, I had news about another friend who got arrested for trafficking and sentenced to eight years behind bars. These events shook my life right to its core. I wanted to do something and do it fast, or my number would be next. I was scared, nervous, excited and anxious all at the same time. I called my brother, and I told him that I was tired and couldn’t do it anymore and needed help. But I did this very thing so many times before. I expected him to say in a sarcastic tone, “Yeah! I heard it before, what’s different this time. ” To my surprise, he said, “Okay, let’s get you to rehab today.”
Help for Drug Addiction and a Family Member
I was shocked! He made a few phone calls, got in touch with an intake counsellor at a private treatment program and got in that day. I was in such shock I just followed through with the motions, which is a good thing because I might have changed my mind after a few days. After the first week, I began to regain some clarity of thought and acceptance of where I was. Having people who understand you and care about your well-being and progress helps to stay calm and hopeful. I kept questioning myself, “how come my brother helped me after so many betrayals,” it was a complete mystery to me. Time went on, and I completed the program. I dealt with so many personal and emotional pains, but I am now drug-free and know I will stay this way.
My Little Brother and I
Two days after my completion, I was having lunch with my brother. I asked him, “Jack, why did you just say, okay, let’s get you help now after so many betrayals?” He looked at me. I was expecting him to say, I love you bro, but no, he said, “I knew by your voice that you made your decision, that you truly did want help. This is why I did not question your request and simply acted on it, and glad I did. I have my true big brother back and alive.”